Sometimes I feel...

Sometimes I feel unloved. Sometimes I watch other people who are with their boyfriends and see how they act together, and then I see people on TV as the guy leans down and kisses the girl, and I think, Why can't that be me? But for all you out there that don't know it can't be me. I mean I can have the b0yfriend if a guy actully liked me, and I mean actully like me, not think of me as just an infatuation (stupid ex-boyfriend). I mean I would love to have a boyfriend who leans down and kisses me, but I had to make that dumb promise when I was 13. and I can't take it back because I told God that I wouldn't. So most of you who are reading this are most likley utterly confused at the moment and are wondering what the frig I am talking about. Well When I was 13 I had a camp councellor who was telling everyone in my cabin that when you have sex with a guy (obviously she was talkint to a bunch of girls so of course this is all coming from that view) you give him a peice of your heart so that by the time you get to the alter you can only give your husband the left over peices of your heart. Well my brain is slightly over active and I thought, "well if you give peices of your heart when you have sex...you must give peices when you kiss a guy as well" So when I was 13 I decided that I would not kiss a guy until my wedding day, and it has been a tough time...well I mean it was not tough from the age of 13-17 cause I didn't have a boyfriend until the summer I was 17...that is when it got weird. But anyways it did not bother me that much before..but latley as dumb prom comes up and I am so dateless and I see all the peeps at my school and youth group with their boyfriends or whatever and realize that I am going to college next year and then I will be getting into real relationships and who wants to date a girl who they can't even kiss...I mean that is if they actully want to date me in the first place..frig anyways most of you are probably thinking I am a raving lunitic by now sorry about that. I just had to write this down. If you think I am dumb for not kissing a guy until I my wedding day that is your problem, to many people have told me that it is dumb and I don't care what people think anymore, it is my decison you don't have to live with it...well unless you end up dating me...but I don't know who would be reading this that would end up dating me so whatever. bye.
Love Deborah